As I stare at this blank computer screen in the middle of the night, the only way to describe to everyone what I feel is to tell you we feel like we are drowning and cannot breathe….I am gasping for air and yet I cannot possibly get enough air into my lungs to catch my breath. This feeling has been happening since around noon on Friday afternoon.
I wrote about before how I felt that a bomb had been dropped on our lives, but now this time it feels worse and I honestly did not think that was possible. Not only did another bomb drop, but our hope has become a casualty of this war. I know that we will find our will to fight and our hope and our enduring faith…but right now, in these dark moments, we are devastated.
We were told by the doctors on Friday that Joey unfortunately is not in remission. He continues to have 26% Leukemia in his cells. This number now puts in him in the high risk category for ALL.
The next sixty days of treatment are going to be intensive and difficult and Joey is going to suffer from the results of these treatments. We are more than likely going to be at the clinic four days a week, with one overnight hospital stay (a week). He will probably require transfusions during these 60 days. There will be many spinal taps and also spinal infused chemo treatments.
We were led to believe that Joey was kicking butt during his induction period and in many ways he did – I never want to take away how much he fights and continues to fight this battle!! His teams of doctors even were surprised and shocked by his pathology report.
When I look back at these last 29 days, I think the reason that we as a family were so successful is because we held fiercely onto our faith, had endless hope, were supported by friends and family and by those that we have never even met and that we kept Joey’s life full.
I know in my heart and soul that those same things need to continue, because keeping your mind and spirit healthy are the key to winning anything, but right now it is difficult. I am watching this horrible, disgusting disease take away all of our hope and question my faith. That is why we ask for your continued support, prayers, love and positivity….we continue to ask for miracles. I know that we have to believe!
Tomorrow will start our next journey into this battle and we all have to be strong for Joey! We all have to pray relentlessly for him, we have to plead with God for a miracle, and I ask you to pray for our doctors and for Chris and I that we have the strength to guide our beautiful child….we know that we are not alone.
On a side note, I wanted to share with you a possible sign that I received yesterday afternoon…waking up and putting on a happy face and acting like everything is fine, is often impossible. The simple act of making breakfast on Saturday morning felt like running a marathon. To be completely honest, I wanted to stay crawled up in my bed and never get up.
However, what I did not share with all of you is during the last 29 days, I was given a book by a very special person…and this book changed not only my thinking but I believe it was a sign. The book, “What It Takes,” by Mark Herzlich, is something everyone should go out and buy and read today. Mark is a linebacker for the NY Giants and in college was diagnosed with cancer and told her would never play football again. Mark walked out onto the Superbowl field two years later! There were many messages in this book for me….MANY! But one, was that life itself is a team sport and that you need others, to win. I am seeing first hand, that my community and friends and family are my team. I also was able to take away from this book that believing and fighting are what is going to get you to your goals. And when I look at Joey, I see that fight….it makes me want to fight. So yesterday, when I was lost, and felt like giving up, my phone rang….and it was Mark Herzlich…..I believe yesterday, I got my sign…and so I listened….
I cannot tell you today that I am feeling perfect, or that I am not devastated still, but I am getting ready to get back in that ring and fight. I know that I need to move mountains for this child of mine and I know that I cannot always do it by myself. So pray for us, support us, love us….
Please share this blog and www.MaydayMissions.org with your friends, family and co-workers. Please encourage them to pray….Also, on the site, there is a volunteer form, under “support us” If you have any special talents, such as an artist, hairdresser, graphic artist, editor, writer, landscaper, teacher, coach, seamstress, stay at home mom, ANYTHING….let May Day Missions know! They have so many special things in the works to help Joey and I am sure that would appreciate your help.
Please keep praying….#joeybstrong